July 4th and another 5th without!

 5 Months! 

I don't really know how I got this far. 

 For me, when Kent was here being away from him for a few hours was awful.  I just wanted to be back home or wherever he was.  He was my security, and the person I shared every conversation with. 

This past month another first.... our first Father's day without Kent.  Lydia and I along with most of our family went to Church outside at Beechwood. Jean, Kent's mom joined us.  It was a beautiful day.  Many emotions for sure, some stayed close to my heart others floweed pretty freely down my cheeks. 

We came back to the cottage to eat on our beautiful deck.

Many first's are happening and each one brings many emotions and sometimes no words.  There are days when we crave conversations and help from others around us and then there are times that Lydia and I are at a loss of words and we just fall in each others arms.  

June 9, Lydia welcomed campers at Camp Geneva , but she also suggested that I start a new volunteer position near her.  She too, welcomed me at Camp Geneva as I help welcome many campers and families.  For me being with people is a part of the healing process. I also help get the emails sorted to each cabin, and oh my do you all write to your campers! My first time sorting was a record mail day for Geneva! 

I have been enjoying some time at the cottage.  Our Lake Michigan cottage has always been a place that has brought much rest.  It has a little different feel this year for Lydia and I.  Many people have enjoyed it with us this year and we are also a very short drive away from the cemetery. We often find a trip through remembering Kent, my Dad, and many others.  

As I write this we will celebrate our first 4th of July too without Kent.  It was one day he enjoyed.  For many years we would celebrate by camping or going over to friend's houses and watching fireworks over their lake.  This year we will venture over to my sister and join them.  She has extended a wonderful night of fun over by her.  Thank you so much Rachel! We are excited and grateful! 

So as we approach another milestone month, we were grateful for each person who plays a part of our healing journey.  

I am so proud to have Eli and Lydia who help me so often.  They always lift my spirits, even though I might cry when I see them. It's because, I am so thankful that they take special time to carve out of there busy schedule to see me. They make sure I am cared for.  These two are the reason I am able to navigate life. I am so grateful Kent too was able to meet Eli and see how much he will help our famly.  

I again say a huge thank you to all who have in their own way supported us! I am so blessed by prayers, stories and love given to us! You have helped in more ways than you will know. 

all our love, 

Leah and Lydia.

How are you doing?

The question I often get asked is...  How are you doing? I often don't know how to asnswer it.

 120 days of life without Kent. 

 Some days I feel like I am good and I can handle most anything that comes my way.  Some days, I hold it together and come home and just wish I had him here. The tears well up as my empty house is a constant reminder of his absence. I miss doing simple things together, we didn't need to do fancy trips together although they were fun.  All we cared about was having ice cream dates together on the back deck, or even taking a walk around our yard for him to get fresh air when days were difficult and he had no energy.  

Lydia for the month of May has been busy.  Lifegaurd training for Geneva took a better part of May and she did extremely well in the fridgid temps. Lydia has been our '"go getter" since I can remember and the "miles" she has gone is quite amazing! She now is almost done with her intense PD type training before Geneva starts on June 9th, with campers! (more on her adventures through the summer.)

 May 27th Lydia moved to Camp Geneva and that was my first night alone.  ALONE! I wish I could say I was prepared or even that it went well.  The next few nights I struggled.  I lay awake. In a room where Kent was cared for by Hospice until he passed.  My mind went everywhere other than asleep.  I had every thing to help me but I just couldn't sleep. Most nights continue to be like that, I am blessed if I get one full nights sleep.  

This summer I will be volunteering some of my Monday's at Geneva.  Even though I will not see my girl at all, I can't wait to start this new role.  My family loves and has been part of Geneva forever.  My Dad taught messages on Sundays, my cousin has been a chaplain, Lydia has had many roles starting with being a young camper and now could not make me more proud as she has become high school cordinator.  

May 29 th I recieved an email from the monument placement company.  Our headstone had been placed.  I had texted Kent's mom and my mom and Kent's Mom and I drove that evening to see it.  It was beautiful! It told of everything Kent was... He wanted everyone to, "Keep sharing Jesus." and to  Hope in Jesus! (I will share a photo on FB) (I'm not techy like my daughter to put on the blog.)

We started June off on the 1st remembering my Dad.  It is 12 years of celebrating him since his passing.  The amazing Husband, Dad, Papa, and Pastor he was! People still to this day remind us how he  blessed them and their story. We are so blessed by each person and their rememberance! What an honor it is for Lydia and me to call him Dad and Papa!  

So as I close on the next month without Kent I can't think of a better way to remember him June 5. 

 I will go out to lunch with a wonderful friend.  

June 5th  in the evening we will head to a Friend and Family dinner at Geneva. (formerly the donor dinner.) This dinner we will hear the stories of Geneva, we will hear the staff sing a song or two including the new theme song. Kent went last year and even though he won't be there in person  he is with Lydia as his daughter tells campers the wonderful stories of Jesus! 

Thank You to every person that looks out for me, cares for me, is there through the tears and the laughter! I can not say it enough of how much I love you all! Days and nights are just not the same without him.  I miss conversation, drives and the love we shared.  He will forever be in my heart.  Always!  

Leah and Lydia

A.P.R.I.L

Sorry this is a day late.

Just being real.... three months.  I never realized what it would be like to miss being with Kent until he has been gone for three months.  The reality of being alone for some spouses is ok.  For me, I just loved being with Kent and it's a struggle.  He kept me calm when someone rattled me with a different thought other than what I was thinking, he was my comforted when I was afraid, he was the person I looked to when I was so frightened to do things like driving, or something that required 2 hands when I have one that paralizes me (literally).  

Learning how to navigate without him is so hard. The three of us did everything together. Now we try in everything we do to celebrate and honor him. Spreaking of celebrate and honor ... this past month we celebrated him in style! It was the begining of the first without him.  It started the week of April 20th. The 23rd of April, we honored Kent as we went to a hospice rememberance dinner. I was given a white rose as his name was read. Both of our mom's and Lydia and Eli joined myself for this event hospice put on.  

The next special way we celebrated Kent was going duck pin bowling at Woodrow's. We then went to Ruth's Chris. We started duckpin bowling by "default" of Kent a couple years back not being able to do regular bowling due to a surgery he had just had. It quickly became something he really enjoyed very much.  So, it was fitting that we do that before a wonderful meal at Ruth's Chris- one of Kent's very favorite once in a lifetime restraunts. It seemed fitting as he would have turned 50 years old and we wanted to remember what a special guy he was!

The next and final celebration of the beginning of the first was to include every family member of our immediate extended family to a dinner at Fire Rock Grille. There were 19 of us in all and that didn't even include everyone as several members were out of state.  Fire Rock was a place we as a small family celebrated things like Lydia going to Niger, birthdays, or a few other spercial memory meals. I hope everyone enjoyed a special meal. 

As I was thinking about the month of April and I was laying awake not able to sleep I thought about this...   

           A.  A  (brief)

           P.  Personal

           R. Reflection 

           I.  Into  (Kent's)

           L.  Life

Kent was born in the year 1975 in April.  Everyone I talked to who knew Kent said he was a busy boy growig up and he loved life. He brought smiles and laughter to everyone. He loved being with his siblings. Being the youngest he always looked up to his big brother and his sister.  He loved learning things from his dad- watching his dad ever so carefully to learn how to do things like oil or other things in the car, woodworking, putting in a pool, electical work (as his Dad was a Master electician.)  Kent loved things like biking and skiing with his Dad and brother. Later in life he did thing for his mom in the absence of his dad.  

Kent had to work hard at school. Nothing came easy. Kent wasn't one to have an over abundance of  friends, but the friends he had he invested into every relationship with his whole heart.  

Kent loved helping anyone that needed it. Two people that would often be the recipient of that help would be both moms. The last perso
n who would be the person who recieved help would be me. Every time we all do something that Kent would have helped us with we get a tear in our eye now.  

So many memories, we cling to each one. Each family member, friend or loved one in our  "community circle'  shares their memory and it surely gives me joy to know Kent has mad an impact. Kent meant so much to so many. I have recieved texts and calls as people share just what he was to them and it makes me so proud to hear each story. 

As I close my reflection there is one thing I want to share: One of the last things he said to me before cancer took his ability to respond was this; "keep sharing Jesus with others!" Kent loved Jesus, loved going to church, he loved attending Christian concerts and loved finding ways to help those around him know who Jesus was. So to honor him can I ask you all to personally find ways to "share Jesus with others"? 

I want to let everyone know that I am continually thankful to every person who has helped me to do many things that I needed help with without Kent by my side. I could not do it without you! I will pray daily for each one of  you! 

Until we write again! 

Leah and Lydia too! 

Three became two....

 Where there once was three of us in our home, now there is two and it's just so different. In everything we do we remember Kent.  Lydia had moved home around the time Kent was hospitalized and now for the month of April and May we will be together. Lydia will move into Camp Geneva's Retreat Center as a high school cordinator for the summer in the end of May. Then will move onto Hope's campus as a neighborhood cordinator. She will be there to support and be in charge of eight RA's in early August and throughout their school year.

 Lydia has definitely had a different semester.  She took two and a half weeks off at the end of Kent's illness and made up all the work that she missed. Lydia has been driving back and forth between Hope and home. I am so blessed that she does this. I have been grateful she has been with me.  

This past month Lydia has given us reason to celebrate.  Lydia told me that she was being inducted into the Honor Society for Social Work at Hope. Something her Dad would of loved to be at. As the presentation was being made I thought, what an acomplishment she made in one of the most difficult times of her life.  

This month on April 23rd both Moms, Lydia, Eli and myself will go to Fredrick Meijer Garden as our Hospice team will be honoring Kent along with many others who have lost a loved ones in the last year.  I am not sure what to expext, but I am thankful for days of rememberance. 

This next month will also bring first's without Kent.  Kent would have been 50 years old on April 25th.  We will celebrate as a few of us on the 25th and as a whole family on the 26th. In our family circles Kent showed up always when there was a need or just to show support to the kids in their accomplishments. I am thankful that many will help us celebrate him on his Birthday.  

I can hardly believe I made it two months.  Some days are hard and the tears flow steady.  I just wish he were here with Lydia and I, other days I remember how hard he fought for the last twelve years and as he/we neared the end I saw just how hard it was to live each day being so ill. How much he just looked forward to Heaven.  

As I reflect in this 2nd month without him I was just so thankful for a wondereful life with Kent. I am so blessed for the way he loved us and took care of me and Lydia.

When three became two...we remember this... Kent is always by our side.  He in so many ways would keep saying to us, "Keep going, keep providing help to others, sharing Jesus with others, I'm proud of you, I love you!" So we continue! 

Thank you to each individual who has taken the time to reach out to Lydia and myself. To those who have brought us or have taken us for a meal, or helped us in anyway not mentioned, Thank You. It doesn't seem enough, but we are so thankful. 

Blessings,

Leah 

There are a couple prayer request that I am wondering if you could  join in with us on...and be praying with me over.  I have been given permission to share. 

Kent's Aunt (sister of his Mom) is hospitalized currently, and is in need of our prayers as she is currently on comfort care. Please pray for peace for the family at this time.

My Mom, on March 27th was diagnosed with colon cancer.  She is now in the early stages of meeting with surgical teams to get the cancer out. As I was typing this my mom reached out and we have a confirmed date of April 10th for Surgery. Please be in prayer for her and our entire family at this time.

Thank you for journeying along with us in prayer! 

1 month March 5th!

 Community. 

  Lydia and I really don't know how we are at a month in. 

 We then look around us and have been shown in so many ways, just how we have made it.   I really don't know how to convae the blessing it has been to see how many people care with a meal that shows up when cooking feels a bit too much, to see my driveway plowed when you already feel numb with grief before even getting outside, when your team at school shows up over and over to just say they are thinking of me, or people showing many tokens of ways they share with us they care.  Then people driving me when people know I hate driving and winter driving gets too much, people too have been there to send a card with a cherished greeting or gift. We are beyond blessed.

Lydia has been shown care in so many ways also.  Her friends showing up with lego flowers just for something to do to take her mind off of grief momentairly, the professors who have changed her exam schedule to allow more time for studying, a friend who simply wants to go for diner, the multiple texts she recieves in a day to say, "I love you", or just simply to let her know they care. The many people who just love on her means so much! I can not thank you enough! 

In the last month I have taken some much needed time off from work.  Lydia took roughly 2 and 1/2 weeks off.  It was filled with some reflection of just what a wonderful marriage and unique family of 3 we had.  I know without a doubt that Kent and I were a perfect team with a beautiful daughter who made our family perfect at 3! A team of 3,  we did everything together.  Grocery shopping together, family nights around our tv, family drives to Holland, many restraunts we frequented just so we could be together, we love Christian music and 2/3 of the family loved it loud. We loved just being together.  

The realities of many things have also hit me hard.  The finances that he did to care for us, that I now have to navigate. The many forms that I need to fill out,  the many places that need death certificates, the way I just had someone handy around to fix a door that came crashing down at me as it comes off the track, the way I had someone to do some techy things for me, the way our cars were maintained.. it goes on. I have been thankful for friends who have come to help,  brothers who have fixed things, and nephews who show up to help an Aunt in need! I am THANKFUL! 

Grief shows up more some days than others.  Some days were ok with many good memories and other days we are drowning.  I try to remember what Kent taught us often.  Live life the best you can!   Smile, care and love on others. Keep sharing Jesus!   We will try! 

The two of us have been with our families. Each in their own way have supported us. 

 Kent's family though seperated by states, have come to be with us and supported with many texts and calls.  

My family is a little closer, all within 10 min of each other, have been able to help more physically. 

For both we have been very appreciative.  

As I end this post, I just want to leave  you with this.... Cherish your friendships, your family relationships,  show support to those who travel a complicated health situation, remember as you converse or care for someone,  you never know what they are going through.  Build relationships and show others Jesus' love! Pray for those around you. When you care for others it can overwhelmingly come back to you and be such a blessing! 

PS.    A proud Mom moment I would love to share.  Lydia told me that she will be inducted in the Social Work Honors Society on March 26th.  A huge honor! I know Kent is beaming and he has the biggest smile! He loved every accomplishment Lydia put before herself and achieved.

Thank you for your constant support 

,Leah

1 week and 2 days after.....

 1 week and 2 days after.....

That's today, Friday February 14 th, this is how many days it has been since Kent has passed.

Kent was surrounded by all of the family that was able to standby him after he was welcomed into heaven on February 5,  2025.  We all stood by,  as several  reminisced about the many fun times we had with him.  

 I was so thankful to have so many by my side, as Kent wanted to be cared for in his/our home until the end.  I struggled with the fact that I might be by myself or have him in my care as he would have entered Heaven.  Kent's family and my family have been absolutley amazing as they have stood by my side.   

Thursday, February 6th, The funeral home had made our appointment time  9:30 am. Kent's Mom, my Mom, Lydia and Eli along with myself were there.  We were welcomed into a room where we remembered and shared important information about Kent and his visitation and Funeral details.

After we left the funeral home all our minds were boggled with the many things that were detailed in the planning. I honestly leaned on those around me that day as I often relied on Kent with the detailed plans in many situations.

As several days passed, we quickly filled them with errends and many to do lists to make things run smoothly for us as we were preparing our time to honor Kent.  

February 10, 2025 Lydia, Eli and I slowly prepared that morning, loading our car for the visitation.  We stopped for a brief lunch and as we sat in our booth, I was thinking about how I was going to see Kent for the first time. How would I feel? Being forever thankful for the people who would drive all that way, what Kent and I drive so often to church or many activities, and as we could easily call Holland Home. 

Arriving at Beechwood we all entered the church one family at a time. We gathered as family and all made our way circling in to see Kent.  I was thankful again to be surrounded by family.  Our pastors met us and shared a brief scripture and time of prayer with us.  We then, a short time later, welcomed several hundred people over 2 two hour plus visitations. They all shared stories of what Kent meant to them, what they saw in us as a family of 3, how proud he fought, or just the way they wanted us to know how they will remember him. As the evening wrapped up I was so thankful to each individual who spent their evening with us. 

February 11, 2025, We all got up early and got ourselves ready for the funeral.  Lydia was a bit nervous as her sweet Dad requested her to take part of the eulogy.  We all loaded up and again made our way to Holland.  

We started the day with a 1 hour visitation.  It quickly came apperent that we had a longer line than an hour would allow! I want to thank each invidual that came through the line as we tried to talk to everyone, but didn't get the chance.  Each of you mean the world to Kent, Lydia, and myself.  Kent would have been so surprised at all those who loved and cared for his family.  

The Funeral was almost ready to begin as we were taken in a room off to the side to pray together before the service of celebration would start.  

I am so thankful for our two pastors that participated in preparing our hearts as were getting ready to honor Kent. 

As we were waiting out in the atrium I could see the video that my brother so carefully put together from photos selected from family.  I could also see those photos in and around visitation  that my sister and family so carefully put together.  I saw Kent's grin as I looked through the window into the church auditoruim, on the screen and I knew I would be ok!  

The service started just as he wanted, Worship!  Thank God by Stars Go Dim is a song that Kent would crank in the car as he fought cancer..... not nessisarily the most singable song, but one he requested be in the service because the words meant everything to him.  

"Time to lift my Eyes back up, Remember all the things he's done. Doesn't matter where I go, I have a future and a hope.

So I will thank God for a new sunrise. Thank God for every breath inside. There's not anything, I'm going to let steal my joy, let steal my joy!" 

At the service, Kent's Drums were being played as he requested in the worship set, his favorite psalm, psalm 23 was recited, a message on Hope as that was important for him to have people hear. Our Hope in Jesus! Family and friends shared in prayer and a wonderful eulogy.  I want to thank each person who came out to Kent's Celebration of life.  He loved you.  He was thankful for each friendship and relationship. 

As family gather at his Graveside we shared another of his favorite psalms.  Psalm 24.  We prayed as a whole family and cried as we said, our "See you later."   

As days pass and the funeral is behind us, it's time for all the logistical things we need to do.  The many phone calls of who and what need to be contacted.  The many people I need to converse with to make life a little easier as we move forward.  Always in the back of my mind is "how would Kent have done this?" OR  I have to wait for someone to volunteer to do it because I can't always ask for someone to do that..... Kent did SO much for me! Its so hard to envision me doing it now alone or  possibly with Lydia when shes around.

Today, I was graciously surprised with two friends dropping off gifts just because.... what those two individuals don't know is that they touched me deeply by their acts of kindness. Along with those two people  I am also thankful for people all around who have over and over cared and continue to care for me. It means the world. 

So as I end this post, I want to reassure people I won't go away yet.  I will continue to update on how our families are doing and share what is going on.  

Thank you for your love and support to Kent, journeying with him, and also us as we stood by his side in this cancer journey. 

We love you all!  We'll check in soon! 

-Leah

Sorry I am posting a day late. 

The Room is Full!

 A hard post to start.... The last post I started we left you in the ER. We were getting Kent checked for a possible UTI or infection and a reason he could not viod. With the help of our primary care physician and our Cancer Clinic we were able to get Kent into the Urologist.

Wednesday January 22nd Kent visited a urologist. This urologist we saw could get us in on a cancellation. The urologist was one of the kindest doctors at our meeting. He was very intersting to talk to as some of his background in being a doctor for those in the military. He was very helpful in giving suggestions in further prevention as we move on with treatment. 

Kent was doing fairly well for the next few days. He had some good eating days and found things that we could adapt for his diet. 

Saturday, Kent had some anxiety and we were trying to find the right mix of what would work best for him. He was on a med that was not as effective as it should be so we are adjusting things around. It is a hard desision of what he needs,what he wants, and not over medicating him. After watching his energy level decrease I began to wonder what could be happening. His appitite was slowly decreasing, his energy was dwindling and his ability to walkand be moble was non-existant. 

Sunday and Monday I had both Mom's share one night each to come and help me transfer Kent as we walked from chair to bed and in the morning from bed to chair. Kent tried with every ounce of what he has to get from place to place in the house and I am very proud of him and all he did.

Monday mid morning after seeing a huge decline I called Kent's oncology nurse to ask some questions.  After further thoughts, we both decided he needed to be seen and also get fluids. After meeting with the doctor and nurses they agreed to send him home. When we went home we continued to watch his blood preasure which slowly declined over the next few days. 

On Thursday he hit a low with very low mobility, severe pain, and very low blood pressure. We made many phone calls with Kent's Oncology Team and decided to directly admit him into the hospital to dig deeper into these problems and stabilize his blood pressure. 

Throughout Thursday night Kent underwent many tests which found more progression in growth of the tumors. Moving into Friday afternoon Kent was given blood transfusions which increased his low blood pressure and hemoglobin. This greatly improved his mobilization and gave him more energy. Later in the afternoon on Friday, Kent was taken back into the operating room for a scope to see what they could find. We had no way to prepare ourselves for the findings from this scope.

We went into this scope thinking that there could be an ulcer, but when Lydia and I talked to the doctor we were told that there was internal bleeding steadily coming from the tumor in th Duodenum. This could be caused by rubbing against the stent or simply the tumor is agitated. As we asked more questions we slowly realized there is nothing we can do to stop this bleeding.We have already done all we can do. We have used up all the possible radiation and chemo will possibly make the bleeding of the tumor worse. We now find ourselves at a wall in the road.

We now continue to track Kent's hemoglobin levels and blood pressure very closely. He is emotionally drained and physically weak. Throughout these last few days we have been very thankful for all people who have stopped by and encouraged Kent with their love, prayers, and support as well as phone calls from loved ones far away. Kent's room has continued to be filled with love ones spending quality time with him. He loves seeing everyone and continues to say thank you for your kindness and support. Please pray that Kent can continue to stay comfortable and grow strength, the tumor can stop bleeding, and his levels stay consistent.

 Thank You

-Lydia & Leah